Valtari- Sigur Rós new album makes my pulse race. It chokes me up and puts tears in my eyes. It puts me back into the excruciatingly long month of may, of my bearded friend, and his final days on this earth. There's a certain pain that resurrects with this album, and somehow, I'm sitting on the gross blue couch watching tv, smelling the crisp scent of spring and looking at pictures and praying to God to take his pain away. Only to have it transferred to anyone that knew him 30 odd days later. It placed me in a dark room, with my final goodbye. Not knowing what to say, so I didn't say much at all. I made promises I wasn't able to keep, and expressed my love and gratitude for a true friendship at least a dozen times. A pain that only emerges on nights like insomniatic nights like tonight, where my brain races and I have too much time to think. I think about how my life has changed so much in the last six months, and for once in my life it wish it hadn't. What I wouldn't give to be sitting on that gross blue couch watching South Park and being addressed as Ahn Yahn. What I wouldn't give to feel surrounded by true happiness and love for one another. What I wouldn't give for my bearded friend to have never had cancer and for him to be by my side again.
Valtari makes my heart ache.
* All my blog posts lately are really sad. This, I am aware of. But it's because I'm sad and nostalgic. All the time. Im often taken back to when my life wasnt all sadness and things were okay and i wanted to wake up in the morning. And that's okay. Sometimes I'm allowed to succumb to all this depression.
Valtari really really really effects me EVERY time I listen to it. I can't not travel back to all those emotions during that time. It's one of the greatest albums ever made in my opinion, but it is so emotionally exhausting to listen to it, I save it for very special occasions. Sometime I even dread listening to it, like I want to lock it away so I don't have to work through those feelings, but I know it's important to.
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