the times they are a-changin'

Thank goodness for the incoming of fall. Because with fall, comes change. Change of colors, change of temperature, change of grades, and a change of me. A change that involves really figuring out who I am. I have learned a ton about myself in the past few years, but I still constantly find out more.

Most recently I think I've learned that my inner strength still exists. I like to give off the "I don't give a fuh" attitude but in reality, I'm a stereotypical, over emotional girl. I get defensive, I get mad, I cry (more this summer than any one ever recorded in history) and I am a control freak. This last one rings truer than any of the other ones. If something happens that I can't control I scramble to find the fix it and put it back to how it was. I've come to realize that maybe, just maybe it was supposed to break and stay broken. Maybe there is something better for me, something that is never going to break.

But, for now, I'm content with not searching for that something better, and staying in the in between. In the middle of broken pieces and the indestructible. Because what I really need to do is just find myself before I can progress on to the latter.

I don't regret the broken pieces though. I still love them with my whole heart. But it's different. And they'll never be the same, no matter what I use to put them back together. And so the best thing is for those broken pieces to be okay with the fact that they don't make something anymore; just a pile of what used to be.

I think song lyrics define my life. Quotes and analogies too. And I've been listening to Stars a lot. (Highly recommended) Lyrically, they speak to me especially as of lately. One of the best lines I've heard;

"I'm not sorry I met you. I'm not sorry I met you. I'm not sorry there's nothing to save."

Kind of became my mantra lately. Living and taking every opportunity to find a lesson in even the darkest corners of your life, is the only way to be survive here. Because if you want to survive, you have to grow.

So here's to changing with the seasons and loving every second of this crazy adventure we like to call life.

Yours truly,
Beks