Sometimes life decides to throw curveballs.
Twice in a month.
I'd usually be okay and keep a positive outlook, but
both are losses.
On June 7th at 6:45 p.m. I lost the one person that wouldn't sugar coat anything, or beat around the bush and did it in the most comical and loving way. For example;
Me: "Yeah, we are dating, I think..."
Al: "Dont beat around the bush, he's your boyfriend."
I never questioned his advice or demands. Its just not what you do. Boy do I miss him. I miss the funny jig he would dance. I miss being called a NERD! I miss the best hugs I've ever had. I miss the times in the middle of a conversation he would say, "I just love you. I'm glad we're friends." I miss the times he would set me straight and bring me back to reality. I miss his jokes about how he used to be gay, and then we became friends and he decided to be straight. I miss the effortlessness of his friendship and how hard he tried be a friend to everyone. I miss Alex.
I dont have a date for this one. I cant really pinpoint it.
I lost a person.
A person I care very much about. The person I was completely comfortable around. The person I would give an arm and a leg and probably my entire nail polish collection (thats very important to me) for.
I miss them.
I miss their sense of adventure. I miss their carefree attitude. I miss their arms around me. I miss their eyes. I miss hearing their heartbeat. I miss the deep conversations that always somehow turned into both of us cracking up. I miss talking about absolutely nothing. I miss peanut butter m&m's. I miss that face. I miss the feeling that I was no longer walking this path alone. I had a companion to walk with me and help me over bumps and help pick me back up. I miss failed dinners and gloopy alfredo. I miss kings cup. I miss documentaries. I miss rapping. I miss Skype. I miss crooked smiles. I miss my melting heart whenever it emerged. I miss comparing skin tones. I miss the smell of Aveda on someone else. I miss bare feet. I miss them.
Missing can only get me so far unfortunately. I wish I didn't have to. I wish that feeling didn't exist. I wish things always stayed the same if you were happy.
Then again, wishing can also only get me so far.
I'm sorry Alex, I think I broke my promise.
Boy, am I ready for happy things.
Yours Truly,
Beks
